hey guys, it’s me. i dont think we’ve ever met before, so let me introduce myself. i’m a fourteen year old girl who’s lonely and sad and just wants to understand and be understood. i love a good laugh, the kind that makes you keel over and fall on the floor with tears rolling out of your eyes. i love to write and paint and draw and listen to old music. i’m incredibly naive and immature but it takes an ocean for me to trust you. i’ll always worry that you’re going to leave me. more often than not, i’ll push you away if you care cause i’m scared. not a whole lot of people who care are in my life. my biggest fear is being left behind. my innocence was stolen as a kid, leaving me with the lowest self esteem in the book. i can’t leave the house without a fuckload of makeup caked on my face and I’m insecure of my smile. my favorite book in the whole wide world is the perks of being a wallflower, which houses the only quote from a book that’ll ever resonate with me: “we accept the love we deserve.” i accept the bad stuff. i love the boys who fuck everyone and the boys who only call me when they’re high. i kiss and flirt with and tease everyone, but i scare easy. i fall in love quickly and then run away and keep looking back. I miss everyone who’s gone and hold on too tightly to the ones that are here. i swear a lot and crave everyone’s approval. I love kurt cobain and amy winehouse and joan baez and simon and garfunkel and the beatles. i laugh at corny jokes and i’m ticklish as a four year old. i have a fuckload of fun. i have a pearly laugh and i’m up for almost anything. i watch a shitton of tv. i hate change and i’m scared to get better, but i’m trying anyway. I can’t sleep without drugs. i love root beer floats with rocky road ice cream and my favorite letter is the letter i. i love cats. my mom is my favorite person in the whole world. i eat like a motherfucker. i love to workout and long hugs and steamy showers that make the fire alarm go off. I love carnations and pretty woman. My favorite smell is the scent of cloves. i write poetry every day. sometimes i cut myself. sometimes i’m so sad i want my life to end. ive even tried a couple times. but now i live for roasted peanuts and good music and great friends. i never say goodbye; i dont want anything to end. im a realist. i like to lay in front of the fire with my dad who somehow knows everything. i love my little sister and hate family therapy. im emotionally drained. i can social media stalk like an FBI agent. i have so much shit in my life i can relate to almost anyone. the ocean is my happy place. i listen to sad songs on repeat for days and drink myself to sleep. i think long nails are hot as fuck and i have an obsession with tattoos and piercings. i dream big but fear they’ll never come true. i love elephants and lions and my birthday. i prefer giving to receiving. im scared of everything. im learning to love myself.